Monthly Archives: August 2008

I was just reading…

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…a comment on another site, and was totally taken by the following.

We deserve lovers and friends that hurt when we are hurting, not leave us alone (sitting with their backs to us) when they hurt us.

Wow! How like an addict. What are lovers? People who love us and will avoid hurting us whenever they can, recognizing that it’s sometimes necessary in honest communication, but never OK to ignore. Friends, ditto. And yet us drunks, addicts and codependents still consider folks who constantly hurt us to be friends…and lovers!

Are we sick, or what?

Lots of Denial About Alcohol-Cancer Link in Developed Countries

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…people in high-income countries were least likely to believe that drinking alcohol increases the risk of cancer, when, in fact, cancer risk rises as alcohol intake increases. Specifically, 42 percent of the people in the high-income countries said alcohol does not increase the risk, compared with 26 percent of those in middle-income countries and 15 percent of those in low-income countries. …

Mistaken Beliefs About Cancer Abound – washingtonpost.com

Let’s have a sober discussion of campus boozing

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Editorial: Let’s have a sober discussion of campus boozing – San Jose Mercury News

College presidents generally are loath to take stands on hot-button issues. So it speaks volumes about the extent of underage alcohol use that 123 college presidents – including Santa Clara University’s Paul Locatelli – are calling for a public debate on the effects of the 21-year-old drinking age.

Lowering the drinking age is not the answer to binge drinking in college. It would only push the problem down to high school, where some students drink even now, and increase the number of teens who die in car accidents.

But we agree that it’s time to talk about this problem. …

Jonesing for a rogering? You’re not alone

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Sex addiction:Jonesing for a rogering? You’re not alone.

“My drug of choice was whatever you got – a smorgasbord of pornography, hookers, anonymous partners. My goal was (to score) every day. It was like being a junkie,” says Jim, a 34-year-old Edmonton executive and married father of two.

In his darkest hours, he was a Jekyll and Hyde in a three-piece suit, skipping work to troll for prostitutes or hook up for free sex with someone he’d met online.

“It was like a second job. I felt completely out of control, utterly hopeless. I’d become a passenger in my own life,” says Jim, whose infidelity and lies started before his marriage, and continued for years before a regular sex partner contacted his wife in a jealous rage one night and blew his cover.

Nevadans debate gambling addictions

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“They would be better served if they were candid and admitted it was a choice they made,” said John Helzer, Washoe County Assistant District Attorney.

“I think everyone has experienced a moment of extreme excitement like when they watched their child score a goal, catch a fish or they won a jackpot, but I don’t see any soccer moms out there committing crimes saying their rise in endorphins made them do it,” he said.

Carol O’Hare executive director for the Nevada Council on Problem Gambling and a recovered gambling addict, said pathological (compulsive) gamblers who don’t seek treatment have the potential to commit crimes to support their habits or to pay back what they’ve stolen.

She said gambling can be an addiction and mental disorder, not a moral decision, that needs the same treatment and consideration as drug or alcohol addictions. Some also can become suicidal.

More>>

Why Don’t I Feel Good Enough?

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Chris M. writes for The Second Road, a website devoted to recovery from addictions of various kinds, and the man can write! He’s currently in the process of looking for a job that suits his talents. Here’s some of what he has to say about it…

I don’t know what it’s like anywhere else, but around here there are two AAs; one is populated with the middle classes, the other with people who may never be middle class. It’s not a hard and fast rule, of course. There is always overlap in divisions like this, but there is an obvious difference that is apparent to even the most casual observer.

For the most part the people in the first group came from middle class families, graduated from college, own homes, and cars, and have money in the bank. They shop in department stores,. They floss. They eat in restaurants. They remember people’s birthdays.

They get haircuts in salons.

The other group are more easily identifiable as people with substance abuse problems. They’ve spent more years incarcerated than in school. They don’t eat right or exercise or iron. They have 600% more tattoos than the first group. None of them have ever used the word obtuse correctly in the normal course of a conversation. …

Why don’t I feel good enough?

Alcohol Before 21?

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Do you remember your first taste of alcohol? How old were you? Twenty-one? All 50 states currently demand that their citizens reach age 21 before they can legally drink. But there’s a growing movement that says mandatory minimum laws may do more harm than good. When determining the right date when a young person can take one of their final steps towards personal responsibility and freedom, what’s the right answer?

Opposing Views got together a bunch of experts and educators and had them debate the issue. Read on…

Opposing Views: Alcohol Before 21?

We won’t mention the word…

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Sittin’ here watchin’ th’ rain. And th’ wind. And th’ radar — and thinking about how lucky I am to be sober, and able to avoid the drama and bullshit with which I would have surrounded an occasion like Tropical Storm Fay, back in the day.

Of course, it would have been a perfect opportunity to drink. Even in my cop days, when I at least managed not to drink on the job (I had other things to tide me over), I would have complained about having to be there (Hey, I’m a f****g executive!), and as soon as I finally got away from the job I would have fallen into the bottle and whatever else I could find for however long I figured I could get away with it.

[Do we ever consider, when thinking about our "honesty" while out there, about all the time we stole from employers? Family? Friends? Ourselves? Did we include that in our 4th, 5th, 8th and 9th?]

Now I’m at work (I did bitch a little, nobody’s perfect), and it’s no big deal. The storm will cross the state 60 or 70 miles west of us and, given its strength, all we’ll get are some gusty winds, a lot of rain — which we can badly use — and maybe a few small tornados. It’s not CharleyFrancesIvanJeanne, and certainly not Andrew. Neither do I live in Bangladesh, nor am I in danger of losing another home through storm or foreclosure.

All in all, it’s a pretty damned nice day.

[Hey, I wrote a blog about _____, and never mentioned the word once! Good for me.]

Know when it’s time to fire your doctor

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This issue is especially important to people in recovery. Many doctors make it clear by their statements and attitudes that they know little or nothing about addiction.

I was once sent by my dentist (25 years sober) to an oral surgeon for some tricky extractions. We had a long conversation about my recovery, addiction, and the fact that I was unwilling to take mood-altering medications. He agreed that was a good idea. He then went on into my treatment planning, and his first two ideas were Valium to calm me before the surgery, and Vicodin to deal with any subsequent pain.

I didn’t even bother to argue. I paid the bill for the consult, told the DMD that I would consult with my primary dentist and get back to him, and that was that. I told my friend the recovering dentist about it, and he has not referred a patient to that doctor since.

The fact is, the government gives doctors a license to kill addicts without requiring them to know the first thing about addiction. Don’t ever forget that.

Know when it’s time to fire your doctor – CNN.com

Here are five ways to know when it’s time to think about leaving your doctor, and the best way to do it.

Dog Days

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We’re well into the Dog Days – an interesting time of year for a number of reasons, from traditional harvest festivals to hot nights and their well-documented ill effects on our tempers. I’m therefore honoring the effects on our minds, bodies and spirits, with a short discussion of how the term Dog Days has come down to us over many centuries. From where did such an odd expression arise? Continue reading →

Well, almost…

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I was sorta back Tuesday, but not here. Here’s a letter I got yesterday. It’s also on the Q&A page, but it was pretty good so I thought I’d post it here. Names and identifying info omitted, of course.

Im from xxxxx. I have attended meetings and had a sponsor whom i still work for even though i stopped AA. I didnt make it past 4th step. I want to know when should i attempt to try again. what do i need to feel hopeless? why cant i find a higher power. why cant i believe? why do i think im unique? What is the alternative to aa? Beside jails institutions and death. i want to be happy.

Wow, Anon, sounds like you’re really uncomfortable! I can’t give you much in the way of advice. All I know is what worked for me, but I’ll be happy to comment on your email, based on that.

First of all, I suspect that your non-AA connection with your sponsor may have been the cause of some of your difficulties. A sponsor works best for me if that’s the only connection I have with him. The 4th and 5th steps are particularly difficult with someone we know from outside — especially an employer. Too much other stuff to keep us from being completely honest.

I think recovery is like riding a horse. If we fall off, we need to get right back on. After all, the whole point is saving our lives. If we are afraid to try that again, then there isn’t much hope, is there? I believe if I were in a similar situation I would go to some meetings on my own, listen to what the men have to say, and pick someone who sounds (first of all) happy, who sounds like someone I would be able to trust, and who has a few years in the program. There are many meetings in your city, and you can find them here (link omitted).

A higher power comes with time, and isn’t really essential. What is essential is the knowledge that we can’t do it alone. In that sense, the group and the fellowship can be our higher power — they can, while we (alone) can’t. Sounded like something I could hang onto. I’ve been sober 19 years next month, and I’m an agnostic. There’s plenty of time to consider who our higher power might be later on. For now, the willingness to let someone else help us is enough — but that willingness is absolutely essential.

Feeling unique was natural for me. I convinced myself no one could understand me, that I was different, that I needed special treatment — all those things that would help me avoid buckling down and actually working on a program of recovery. I don’t know why you feel unique, but if the above makes you feel uncomfortable, you might look at the possibility that you’re thinking the way I did.

There are many alternatives to AA. Google “recovery from alcoholism” and you will find all sorts of things. Keep in mind, though, that AA is the one with the 70-year track record. There is no question that it isn’t for everybody, but I felt I owed it to myself to take what seemed to me to be — in this case — the Road Most Traveled. I knew I was gambling with my life, and I wanted what looked to me like the best odds.

Remember that it took us a long time to get so screwed up. It would be ridiculous to think we will get better overnight, and it’s not the easiest thing we’ll ever do. Go to the “articles” section of my blog and read the early recovery section. Might find some enlightenment there.

And whatever you do, DON’T DRINK. You can’t make good decisions when your mind is switched off. Believe me, I know.

Good luck,
Bill