Back in the old, un-longed for days, my wife and I used to refer to New Year’s Eve as “Amateur Night.” It was our contention that sensible people stayed home because all the inexperienced drunks were out and didn’t know how to hold their liquor and drive.
Looking back from the vantage of years in recovery and several working in the field of alcohol and addiction treatment, it is clear to me that we were in that — as in so many things — deeply in denial. Continue reading
Psychological dependence is a vague term that is losing popularity with addiction professionals. It refers to circumstances or activity — not involving drugs — that have come to be so much a part of a person’s life that they are interfering with normal living, yet the person continues them anyway.
Compulsive masturbation would be a good example, and it used to be said that marijuana use caused only psychological addiction. We now know that is not the case, and that physical addiction is definitely an issue with frequent use of THC compounds.
The reason the term is falling out of use? As we learn more about addictions and dependencies of various kinds, we discover that they all seem to relate to changes in brain chemistry that involve the “pleasure circuit,” certain neurotransmitters and receptors that create pleasurable feelings and that can be stimulated by outside sources, whether drugs, alcohol or activities such as shopping or gambling.
Since many of these things have now been found to act on the same parts of the brain, chemically, physically or both, there is a growing consensus that we will eventually find that even dependencies and addictions that do not involve actual chemical stimulation of the brain will turn out to have more in common than we suspected. Thus, “psychological dependence” is becoming just another less than completely accurate term for some addictions.
“I just found out that my spouse has been snorting Oxycotin for approximately 1 year. He says he has been doing 3 to 4 80 mg pills a day for 5 months. What kind of help does he need? Is that a lot?”
That is a lot of Oxy. Your spouse is addicted, and needs professional help. It is extremely difficult to detox and remain abstinent from any opiate drug on one’s own.
The best course of treatment would be clinical detox, followed by inpatient treatment and then aftercare — along with a 12-step program such as NA for support. This is the course that is most likely to work. If you do not have insurance to cover detox and treatment, check with your local mental health society for resources in your area. As a last resort, short-term outpatient detox with Suboxone and support from Narcotics Anonymous is an option.
You must also understand that the problem will only get worse with time. Promises to “quit after the holidays, after (whatever)” mean nothing. The only meaningful action your spouse can take is to get help. Period. Everything else is blowing smoke to protect his addiction.
For yourself: Nar-Anon* or Alanon, to learn more about the disease of addiction and how to keep from being further enveloped in the madness. You must take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.
This is an interesting question, bringing up as it does the question of what “drunk’ means.
Drunk can be defined a couple of ways: staggering, slurring, obviously physically and mentally impaired (most people’s definition), or under the influence of alcohol to the point of impairment, but not showing it. The second condition is possible because of what we call tolerance, or maintaining. As people’s bodies adjust to being under the influence — we’re talking alcoholics here — it takes more alcohol for them to feel its effects, and because they get a lot of practice they start showing the effects less. This does not mean that they are not intoxicated, nor does it mean that they can function as well as a person who is not intoxicated. It simply means that they get better at not showing it.
Because of this, it is possible for some people to remain functional alcoholics: they are intoxicated all or most of the time, but they maintain by drinking only enough to satisfy the craving for alcohol, and not enough to become falling-down drunk — at least most of the time. They continue to do their jobs (with more mistakes, calling in sick, and other signs of decline), they continue to put up a front, but in actuality they need the drug to keep feeling normal and if they do not have it they begin to suffer withdrawal.
Thus, to answer your question: in the case of falling down drunk, the time can usually be measured in months or at most a couple of years. The body takes such a beating that either physical breakdown, accidents or (with luck) abstinence bring the slide to a halt.
However, in the case of functional, maintaining alcoholics, it is possible to remain under the influence of alcohol, with a blood alcohol level that would make one legally drunk, for very long periods of time — years, in fact. Eventually the alcohol takes its toll and the functioning decreases rapidly, at which point recovery, incarceration or death are invariably the results.
Browse the “meeting in print,” sample AudioGrapevine, and read a couple of stories from the current issue. Then subscribe. ;)
Most people use it because it makes them feel good. They have one or two, get what they want from it, and stop. Some others keep drinking, trying to increase the feelings (or cover up others). Then some may find that they have to use it to feel normal. Eventually they find they can’t stop without feeling as though they are going to die.
About 85-90% of people drink for reason number one, and that’s that. The others, who don’t choose to become addicted, develop a physical dependence on alcohol without knowing it. By the time they realize it, it is usually too late, and active measures are necessary to stop drinking and put their lives back together.
The thing that non-alcoholics are unable to grasp is that quitting is far, far more easily said than done. A man will never know what it’s like to deliver a baby, and a non-addict will never know what it’s like to try to overcome an addiction. Imagine trying to break any bad habit — we’ve all done it — and then imagine that every time you tried your body sent out emergency signals that put you in a condition of high stress and made you sick. That’s about as close as a non-addict can get.
The girl I am seeing sometimes goes to 3-4 AA meetings a week. Do people date each other a lot at AA meetings or am I just being overly suspicious?
It is recommended that newcomers to AA not date at all, in or out of the fellowship. If she does not have a year or so of experience in sobriety, the distraction of a relationship could cause her to relapse. Be glad that she is doing what she needs to do for herself.
Your relationship is a different matter. Generally speaking, if you do not trust someone it is either an indication that they have done something to lose trust, or that you are dealing with a personal issue yourself. Only you can decide about that.
Why not go to a few open AA meetings with her to find out what her AA life is like? It might ease your concerns, and it would assure her that you want to be an active part of her recovery.
I often hear newcomers, people who haven’t yet completed a 4th or 5th Step, talking about how they made amends for this and that in their lives. While I certainly admire anyone who is trying to clear up some of the wreckage of the past, I sometimes wonder about their concept of amends. Since the holidays are coming up and conversations with family members and old friends may be imminent, I thought I might make a few comments about amends and the 9th Step. Continue reading
Sure. It’s not how much we drink, it’s how and why we drink. The big question is, do you become uncomfortable if you don‘t have them?
You should also be aware that the best medical advice is to limit alcohol to five standard drinks a week (roughly 1 glass of wine, 1 12-oz. beer, 1 shot of liquor).
You will not like this answer.
People with drinking problems have to help themselves. They do not seek relief until they are so miserable that they see no alternative.
Therefore, “helping” an alcoholic is usually the worst possible thing that a friend or loved one can do. Making sure they have enough to eat, helping out with the rent, giving them rides to the liquor store, bringing them booze so that they don’t have to go out themselves, bailing them out of jail — all of those things that seem like the sort of thing friends and loved ones do — in reality allow the person to continue in their alcoholism/addiction without truly facing the consequences. This is called enabling.
Those who truly wish to help a person with a drinking problem will assure them that they are loved, but that they cannot expect assistance in anything but getting treatment and sobering up. Be aware that the alcoholic will then pull out all the stops and try to bully or guilt you into doing things their way. They will make all sorts of promises. Don’t believe them. They are terrified of quitting — for excellent reasons — and they will do or say whatever it takes to continue drinking. They do not understand that they have a choice.
Well-meaning friends and relatives who try to take the pain and unhappiness out of the addiction are keeping the person from finding a reason to make changes, and until that happens, recovery IS NOT POSSIBLE. Enablers are helping the alcoholic to kill himself.
If you are a family member or employer, you can consult with an addiction professional about arranging for an intervention. Do not attempt to intervene on your own. It almost certainly will not work. Intervention specialists know all the tricks. You don’t.
Otherwise, drive them to treatment when they decide they want to go there, and withhold all other assistance. There will be plenty you can do after they sober up, but there is nothing you can do until they make up their mind to take that first step. For their sake, don’t stand in their way.
Go to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ for more information.
Few Young Adults Seek Treatment for Psych Disorders – US News and World Report
The study found that 45.8 percent of the 2,188 college students and 47.7 percent of the young adults not in college met the criteria for at least one psychiatric disorder, but only 25 percent of those with disorders sought treatment over a one-year period.Among college students, the most common disorders were alcohol use (20.4 percent) and personality disorders (17.7 percent). The most common disorders among young adults not in college were personality disorders (21.6 percent) and nicotine dependence (20.7 percent).
College students were less likely to have drug-use disorders, nicotine dependence or bipolar disorder, and were less likely to have used tobacco than young adults not in college. But college students risk of alcohol use disorders was much greater. College students were significantly less likely than young adults not in college to receive treatment for alcohol or drug-use disorders.
The study was published in the December issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.
Old Relationships, New Possibilities | Tricycle Magazine
In Tibet They say there is a lake where, during a particular full moon each year, the seal-like creatures who live there gather fish in their mouths and offer them up to hordes of owls who hover in the trees above, waiting to eat. There is no apparent reason for the seals to offer the fish other than the fact that the owls seem to expect it. As the story goes, the seals gain nothing from offering the fish, and the owls are never satisfied. So, they say, since there is no obvious reason for this dynamic to be as it is, “it must be lenchak.”
The lenchak dynamic has two sides: the seal side and the owl side. If we are the seal, we feel an unspoken emotional responsibility for someone else’s mind and well-being. We feel pulled toward this person as if they have a claim on us. It’s a strong visceral experience, and we have a physical reaction to it: the phone rings and we check our caller ID—it’s “the owl.” We should pick it up, but we are overcome by a strong wave of anxiety and repulsion, as if we are being attacked by our own nervous system. We brace ourselves for a problem or a strong emotional download. As much as we want to detach ourselves from this person, we can’t break loose; it’s as if they have captured us, and there’s no escape— checkmate! Of course, this is not the case. In truth we are held hostage by our own attachment, guilt, and inability to resist the pain that comes from feeling unreasonably responsible for them. On one hand, we can’t bear watching the owl struggle. On the other hand, we can’t let go. This dynamic brings us down; it makes us lose our luster as human beings. MORE…
