Want to know why relationships are the number one cause of relapse?
Of course you don’t. But here’s the reason, anyway:
…love is comparable to a drug addiction: It activates the parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings, according to new research from Stony Brook University.
Researchers were able to show a connection between romantic rejection and a cocaine craving via brain images….
So…we fall in lust, our addiction center is stimulated again, something goes a little bit wrong — or we feel the need to celebrate — and boom, there’s Mrs. Jones.
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That makes sense, but only in the charged newly formed type of relationship that actually seems to act like a drug–namely, that brings you out of your normal routine, social circle, or thought patterns for a while. But, I bet that it simmers down after a while, and can even soothe out into something worthy–something a relationship with alcohol or drugs can’t do so easily.
The problem is what occurs before things simmer down. The same brain systems are involved in both new relationships and the rewards we get from booze and other drugs. Romance is the number one cause of relapse, because they can actually trigger cravings.
Beside that, how can a person in early recovery even judge what a healthy relationship is? At that point, I hadn’t even learned how to have a healthy relationship with myself. Newcomers are most often drawn to exactly the same sick kind of relationships they had when they were using, because it’s familiar territory — usually with identical results. (After all…what healthy person would want to have a relationship with a newcomer?)
Nope. Bad idea. The collective wisdom in the rooms is borne out by a lot of science.
This makes sense to me. Plus, a healthy relationship is about two people forming a union; if I’m not whole then there isn’t two people- just one (and maybe a half). I used relationships as an escape all the time.
I definitely sought out people that would give me that ‘buzz’ of ‘love’. I tried to find people that stimulated me- whether that be through sex, arguments or fear. Even when I did find ‘good’ people to be interested in- I took it too far, too fast. Either scaring them away (rightfully so!) or turning the relationship into an unhealthy one.
Thank you, this is good food for thought.