Category Archives: codependency

Today’s Step: Recovery — An App To Help Develop And Sustain Daily Practice

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In the 12-Step programs we’re encouraged to develop a routine of little rituals that begin our day in a recovery-oriented way and set the tone for the hours to follow. Many people meditate, perhaps after reading a bit of program literature. Some of us have an exercise routine that goes along with it. Others sit and think about their plans for the day, make notes in a journal, and then consider the best way to apply their program to the day’s progress.

There is no best way to do these things, but it is vitally important that we do something of the sort.  Getting up and immediately plunging into the chaos of daily life can be daunting.  A period of calm and consideration beforehand can make the difference between a serene approach and the hit-or-miss fumbling that is characteristic of the “old me.”

For the past few days I’ve been checking out a recovery app called “Today’s Step.” It’s available for both iPhone and Android, and is an interesting approach to say the least.

I like that they refer to the suggested activities as “practice,” rather than “working the program.”  I have always thought that recovery is just that: practice in the sense of “The actual application or use of an idea, belief, or method as opposed to theories….”  We can sit around talking about our program for a long time, but if we don’t do anything about it we’re like the guy leaning on his shovel in the shade, telling everyone about how someday he’ll own the company.

The practice laid out in Today’s Step is easy to accomplish and deceptively simple.  There is a theme for each day — “persistence,” for example — along with suggested ways to put it into practice.  A daily video guides simple exercises based on Qigong, a gentle Chinese system of moving meditation, to stretch muscles and get the blood flowing.  There are stories of people in recovery, and users are encouraged to submit their own.  I read a couple.  They’re pretty good.  Just about any addict could relate.  Keep an eye out for mine.

You can skip around in the app and check out past quotes, etc.  There is even a system of rewards for completing various numbers of days practice, similar to the chips and key tags familiar to us all.  The free demo has limited material, but is enough to get a feeling for the practice.  The paid version (a great big four bucks!) has additional features.  I plan to purchase it for my Droid as soon as I get finished writing this.

Here’s the developer’s list of features (paid version):

• Daily motivational quotations
• Weekly themes and actions
• Easy-to-follow exercise videos to promote health
• Audio guided meditations
• Share with a friend
• Favorites and previous history
• See additional quotations with “Skip Around”
• Inspirational success stories from the recovery community
• Virtual rewards for progress milestones

Verdict: Five stars from the old timer.

Something Similar — Straight Talk About Going Home

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This just went live over at the Sunrise Detox Blog, if anyone’s interested.

The comedian Dave Gardner used to remark, “Folks are always saying, ‘Let’s do this again!’ But friends, you can’t do anything again! You can do something similar!”

I think about Gardner’s bit of wisdom when I hear people in early recovery talking about returning to their families and friends and “making it up to them.” (This also brings to mind the idea of pushing toothpaste back into the tube.) We say these things with the idea that we will be able to return things to the way they were “before” — if there ever really was a before.

That’s a lovely idea, but it’s not the way reality works.  Read More…

When AA Alone Isn’t Working — The Fix

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Some addicts believe that the 12 steps can solve all their problems. But they’re designed to treat addiction—not depression, anxiety, and the like. So how do you know when you need a therapist, and what kind do you need?

Read more…

Why I Haven’t Been Posting Much Lately

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Both of my faithful readers will by now have noticed that I’m not posting very regularly on this site. It’s not though lack of interest, and I didn’t relapse (in fact, I just celebrated my 21st sober anniversary on 9/14/10).

Thing is, I’ve taken a part-time job writing for a recovery site, and I don’t have time to maintain both blogs. Since the other (paid) job covers the same territory, and since I have the potential to reach more people, it was a no-brainer. I’ll continue to post here from time to time, but it will be irregular at best.

I invite you all to subscribe to my posts at the Sunrise Detox Blog.   (Click the thingy at the bottom left of the page.) Thanks for visiting WhatMeSober.Com, and thanks for your interest.

Keep on keepin’ on,

Bill

Relationship Withdrawal

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Why Breaking Up Hurts: Similar to Addiction, Says Study – TIME

Say you’re a college student who was recently dumped by the person you thought was the One. You’re moping around campus in your I’ve-given-up sweatpants and eating crappy comfort food when you come across a flyer seeking people who are still pining for their exes. You think, at last, someone to talk to!

Well, not exactly. When about 15 sad sacks responded to the flyers, which had been distributed around the State University of New York at Stony Brook and Rutgers University, they discovered they were actually being invited to take part in a psychological study: researchers wanted to gauge the kind of pain felt by people on the business end of a breakup.

The corollary to these findings, that the early lust of a new relationship has qualities almost identical to addiction, is old news to addiction specialists.  It also helps to explain why relationships are the number-one cause of relapse.  They render us  incapable of thinking about other, more realistic issues.

Couples therapy can be the best choice for alcohol-dependent women with supportive spouses

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Couples therapy can be the best choice for alcohol-dependent women with supportive spouses

ScienceDaily (Apr. 20, 2010) — Barbara McCrady and Elizabeth Epstein wanted to know whether cognitive behavior therapy worked better for alcohol-dependent women when delivered as couples therapy than when delivered as individual therapy. They reported recently that both treatment methods worked well, but women treated in couples therapy maintained their gains a bit better than those in individual therapy. Also, women suffering from depression in addition to alcohol-dependence did better in couples therapy.

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Q&A: Do you believe an addict can become addicted to the recovery center or support group they use?

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In a word, “No.”  That said, let me go on to what I know can happen.

Getting clean and sober is a life-changing experience, in the literal sense: we are successful only if we give up the world that we built for ourselves and tried to hold together with alcohol and other drugs for one that is new and strange.  It’s scary.  One of the things that makes it possible — in fact, for most people the main thing — is the bonds and feelings of safety that form, centered on our recovery center and/or support group, and the people who were and are there for us.  This is our new home.  These are our new friends and teachers.  This is where we feel safe, protected from the wolves of our addiction that still prowl around “out there.”

Nonetheless, recovery is about resuming (or finally attaining) a place in the world.  This means moving away from our safe space, slowly but surely, and expanding our circle of friends, acquaintances and activities to encompass the rest of the community — not dropping our old friends and our program, but making new friends and developing outside interests, getting jobs, reconnecting with families, and growing into the adulthood of our recovery.  Change is never easy for human beings, and here we are, faced with the prospect of making huge changes: moving away from the place we feel we “belong” into a world where — we intuitively understand — the vast majority of people don’t even know we are alive!

It’s no wonder, then, that some people become stuck, unable to move onward in their recovery.  They have found a new family, a new nest, a new place “where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.”  It takes courage to move out of that glow and into the real world.  Addicts and alcoholics are people who have never learned that it is OK not to feel OK.  So we get stuck.  Some of us don’t want to become unstuck.

It’s not addiction, it’s fear — of change, and of changing.  People don’t get addicted to the rooms, but some certainly abuse them.

Q&A — How long does alcohol detox last, and what can I do to relieve the symptoms?

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Alcohol withdrawal without medical help can, and frequently does, result in some or all of the following complications:

  • extreme anxiety
  • disorientation
  • hallucinations
  • sleep disorders
  • hand tremors
  • nausea
  • sweating
  • seizures
  • blood pressure spikes
  • and racing pulse.

Delirium tremens (DTs) — physical and visual hallucinations accompanied by terror reactions may also occur. In the worst cases, untreated alcohol withdrawal syndrome can result in death related to high blood pressure (stroke) and seizures.

Because of the possibility of severe medical consequences, along with the fact that they can turn up unexpectedly at any time during detox (even in people who have self-detoxed without incident before), self-detox for alcohol and similar-acting drugs such as benzodiazepines is not recommended.

To answer your question more directly, acute withdrawal onset is usually between 8 and 20 hours after you stop drinking, and can last for up to five days. There is really nothing you can do unless you have access to certain drugs. Even then, it is dangerous if not medically monitored.

I suggest you investigate the resources in your area to learn what facilities are available to you for a medically-conducted detox.  Your local mental health association or society would be a useful place to start.

Let’s Set The Record Straight

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There are a couple of misconceptions about alcoholism and addiction that need to be set straight from time to time.  One has to do with the actual causes of addiction (including alcohol addiction), the other with volition and morality.

Alcoholism is a disease.  So is addiction.  A disease is “…an abnormal condition of the body or mind that causes discomfort or dysfunction; distinct from injury insofar as the latter is usually instantaneously acquired.”

There is no competent debate about this issue.  Alcoholism was recognized as a disease by the American Medical Association in 1956.  The American Psychological Association followed a very few years later.  Both organizations recognized other addictions as diseases a bit later still.  There can be no question about either, according to the above, or any other accurate definition.  Back in the mid-20th Century they were not sure about the causes, but the discomfort and profound dysfunction were obvious.

We now know that between five and ten percent of the population are born with a genetic predisposition to addiction. Continue reading →

Hosting an Addict or Alcoholic

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Social occasions that involve people in recovery—especially early recovery—can pose some perplexing problems for the hosts. On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation. On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests. A host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests in recovery — especially those only a short way along on their journey.

There are some simple things to remember…. MORE>>>

Hosting People In Recovery For The Holidays

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Social occasions that involve people in recovery—especially early recovery—can pose some perplexing problems for the hosts. On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation. On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests. A host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests in recovery — especially those only a short way along on their journey.

There are some simple things to remember….

Hosting People In Recovery For The Holidays

Remarks On The Way We View Alcohol And Drug Use

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People use alcohol and drugs for only one reason, to alter their brain chemistry and improve the way they feel. Therefore, without exception, a person who is “under the influence” is suffering from chemically induced abnormal brain function, and is unable accurately to judge her own behavior. That is why so many people swear that they drive better, dance better, think better when high.

The people around them, of course, know the truth of the matter (unless they, too are impaired). This truth has been borne out in literally thousands of experiments all over the world. The physiology of intoxication and addiction is becoming well-known here at the beginning of the 21st Century. We know that the brain and other organs undergo changes when subjected to the frequent presence of drugs and alcohol. We know that eventual semi-permanent changes occur which cause the victim to be convinced absolutely that s/he cannot exist without the drug(s). This conviction is on the sub-cortical level, based on information interpreted by the primitive portion of the brain. It is not a conscious thought, and is not amenable to reason or education! Only when the person’s life is in such chaos that it presents a greater challenge than living without drugs does the individual become capable of considering change, (the “rock bottom” we hear about).

It is probably impossible for a person who has not himself been subject to such compulsion to understand it other than in a shallow, intellectual way. It is something that one either believes, because it makes sense and describes an observed reality, or that is disbelieved for whatever reasons…many of which may bear looking at.

That being the case, we need to be careful, if we make broad (or specific) statements about alcoholics, addicts, and addiction, that we are speaking from empirical knowledge. Addiction has touched virtually every person in the country in one way or another. We all have an emotional stake in the concept. If we are to discern effective ways of dealing with these problems, we need to insure – to the extent possible – that we are viewing the subject accurately, rather than “through a glass, darkly.”

Sought, through prayer and meditation…

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Step 10.  Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Step 11.  Sought, through prayer and meditation, to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step 12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to (alcoholics, addicts, whatever), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Many a slip

These are the “maintenance steps” of the 12-step programs, the steps that we practice every day in order to remain clean and sober.  I’m frequently bemused by the number of people in the rooms who claim to “practice these principles in all [their] affairs” but who, when asked, will tell you that they do not meditate: “I don’t have the time; I don’t believe in prayer; I tried it, but it isn’t for me,” and so forth.

What is ambiguous about the 11th Step?  Why do so many folks seemingly overlook the concepts of prayer and reflection embedded therein?

Actually, I’ll be the first person to admit that I don’t pray, because God as I understand Him/It, isn’t listening and wouldn’t answer.  Nonetheless, I use a vehicle very much like prayer to articulate what’s happening in my life and organize my thoughts before I meditate.  Then, when I meditate, sometimes answers pop up, and sometimes they don’t.

My personal theory about this (and about praying for guidance) is that, in a manner similar to therapy or talking to a sponsor, speaking my thoughts as if someone were listening forces me to organize them in my own mind.  Then, while I meditate, I believe my subconscious processes the issues and often kicks them back with solutions, either then or later.

But that’s only my theory.  If you talk directly to God, and if it works for you, there’s no way I’m going to argue with that, but I know one thing for sure: if we ask God for answers, we have to keep still and listen for them.  If we ask for knowledge of His will for us , it’s not going to arrive while we’re reading, or in a podcast, or a sudden comment from smoldering shrubbery.  If we aren’t quiet, if we don’t open our mind, we will get no useful input until our next lesson comes along (as in, “OK God, what do you want me to learn this time?).  Better to avoid the examples, and go with preventive maintenance.

That’s what the last three steps are, after all.  They’re the tuneup — the periodic checks that keep our program humming along reliably.  Steps one through nine are for getting us through most of the crap, teaching us how to deal with what’s left, and moving us along into real recovery, but it’s ten, eleven and twelve where we “practice these principles in all our affairs” and continue our recovery and development as adult human beings, one day at a time.

Personal inventory, admitting when we are wrong, improving our contact with our program and ethics (if we’re not into religion), carrying the message, and practicing all the principles in all our affairs: that’s the program in a nutshell.  Meditation is an integral, essential part of it.

So maybe we ought not be claiming to work a good program and be making the steps a part of our lives unless we’re willing to go all the way.  We may fool others, but remember: in this game, fooling ourselves is frequently fatal.