Category Archives: Depression

A Few Comments On Bullying

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I just heard a discussion of the film “Bullying” on NPR, and the asshole who opined that we “need” bullying because it teaches us to “stand up for ourselves” so enraged me that I had to turn it off.

I haven’t seen the film, and I don’t intend to. I know all too well what it’s about. I lived it, and that I survived had more to do with my ability to withdraw into books and similar pursuits, shutting out that part of my world, than it did with the quality of my character. I completely understand the kids who chose to leave theirs.

There’s no point in going into details, because I’m not looking for sympathy here. What is important in this is that I was bullied continuously from first grade through what they now call Middle School, and that it shaped my life. Rather than going through whatever normal evolution I would have, and becoming whatever I might have, I ended up with a fixation on martial arts, a fascination with firearms and other means of committing mayhem, and in a profession (police officer) for which I was spectacularly unsuited.

Until my alcoholism and other addictions made it clear to me that I didn’t belong in that line of work, and until my recovery forced me to look at my real interests and calling, I spent nearly forty (that’s 40) years fumbling around trying to find out who I really was. That’s what bullying accomplished for me. It taught me to stand up for a self that I wasn’t, and kept me from becoming whoever it was I would have been.

I’m pretty much OK now. I didn’t die, and I’m comfortable in my own skin. But it could have gone a different way. I wish the sphincter on NPR could have experienced one week of what it was like from the other side of the fence. Maybe he’d keep his mouth the fuck shut about things he has no chance of understanding.

On the other hand, maybe he did. The bullied sometimes make the best bullies. On the job training, sort of.

Not all of the terrorists are “out there.”

In Search of the Real Bill W.

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Bill Wilson, ca. 1939 - The Fix

Bill Wilson was no saint. He smoked like a chimney and acted like a pig—cheating on his loyal wife and demanding a glass of whisky on his deathbed. Working with him was sometimes so difficult that decades after his death, many colleagues were still angry at his behavior. The January 1971 nurse’s logs for his last days at Stepping Stones, the house in Bedford Hills he shared with his wife, Lois, show an unhappy man struggling for breath—he was dying of emphysema—who repeatedly asked for a drink and was irritated when he didn’t get one.

And yet. If there is a special place in heaven reserved for those who permanently change the world for the better, Bill W. is certainly there.

Read more: http://www.thefix.com/content/in-search-of-the-real-bill-w8998

When AA Alone Isn’t Working — The Fix

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Some addicts believe that the 12 steps can solve all their problems. But they’re designed to treat addiction—not depression, anxiety, and the like. So how do you know when you need a therapist, and what kind do you need?

Read more…

Resentment

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Resentments are the poison that we drink, and then wait for the other person to die.
- Anonymous

Some of the truest words you’ll ever read.

Think about it.  Think about that terrible thing that (insert name here) did to you back in the long-ago.  Think about how bad it made you feel.  Think about how you’d like to get back at (**),  how you’d like to tell them off in words that would make them shrivel and leave them with nothing at all to say.

How often do those thoughts come into your head?  Once a week?  Once a day?  Whenever you think of that person?  Whenever you do something that reminds you of them?  Whenever their name comes up in conversation?  Whenever you’re just feeling sorry for yourself and want to feel better by reminding yourself how terrible someone else is? 

I thought so.

Now, while you’re making yourself miserable thinking about how you’ve been wronged, what do you think (insert name here) is doing?  Do you think she’s spending her time thinking about the subject?  Do you figure they think about it at all?  If you confronted him, would he even remember the incident? Would he remember it the same way you do?

See, the thing is, renting out space in your head to that person, that incident, that resentment, hurts nobody but you (and the people you inflict it on from time to time).  You’re the one whose stomach is boiling, who gets all tense, who drinks the poison that is meant for that other person.  They will never taste it, but you will taste it as long as you keep holding that poisoned cup.

So deal with it.  It’s your problem and your misery.  It’s only hurting you.  That s.o.b. is oblivious, and would probably think you were hallucinating if you brought it up.

It’s up to you whether or not you pick up that cup again.  Do you want to be righteous, or do you want to be happy?

Start Preparing Now to Avoid the Effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder

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For many people (especially those of us in the northern hemisphere) September is the beginning of fall, and with the fall months come the winter blues, or worse, Seasonal Affective Disorder. The time to start prepping for those dark and gloomy cold-weather days is now, before the sun and warmth are gone completely.

Get thee to a meeting!

http://lifehacker.com/5837879/start-preparing-now-to-avoid-the-effects-of-seasonal-affective-disorder

Stress: How to Cope Better With Life’s Challenges

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Stress: How to Cope Better With Life’s Challenges

Feelings of stress are caused by the body’s instinct to defend itself. This instinct is good in emergencies, such as getting out of the way of a speeding car. But stress can cause unhealthy physical symptoms if it goes on for too long, such as in response to life’s daily challenges and changes….

Couples therapy can be the best choice for alcohol-dependent women with supportive spouses

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Couples therapy can be the best choice for alcohol-dependent women with supportive spouses

ScienceDaily (Apr. 20, 2010) — Barbara McCrady and Elizabeth Epstein wanted to know whether cognitive behavior therapy worked better for alcohol-dependent women when delivered as couples therapy than when delivered as individual therapy. They reported recently that both treatment methods worked well, but women treated in couples therapy maintained their gains a bit better than those in individual therapy. Also, women suffering from depression in addition to alcohol-dependence did better in couples therapy.

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Using sunbeds to get a tan ‘could be as addictive as alcohol and drugs’

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Using sunbeds to get a tan ‘could be as addictive as alcohol and drugs’

…a study has found “that such tanning leads to behaviour on a par with alcohol or drug abuse” and that “heavy users may even need help from mental health specialists to kick the habit”.

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What Do You Expect?

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I recently received a letter from a person who was detoxed at home, and who is sitting around feeling miserable and wondering when the symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal are going to ease up. [Not you, Matt.]

There are two issues here.  First of all, it’s not uncommon for people to either become depressed when they stop drinking or using other drugs, or to have been attempting to self-medicate  previously-existing emotional or other disorders with the booze.  In either case, quitting without support is likely to create feelings — both psychological and physical — that folks new to recovery are simply not equipped to handle alone.

There’s a saying (that you’ll read over and over if you hang around here) that “When you keep on doing what you used to do, you’ll keep on getting what you used to get.”   This is rather akin to the well-known “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”  What did we do when we were using?  We isolated.  Often we drank or drugged alone, or with people to whom we were able to relate only superficially due to our mutual conditions, and every drunk and addict knows that feeling of  alone-ness while surrounded by other people.  Drunks and addicts isolate — emotionally, if not physically.

It therefore follows, as the night the day, that isolation is not a good thing for us.  It gives us too much time to feel sorry for ourselves, too much time to mull over old wrongs and resentments, too much time to decide that if it doesn’t get any better than this, we might as well use.

If you’re sitting around home, down in the dumps, either see a shrink for the depression or — possibly better yet — get to a 12-step meeting, make some new friends, and begin to change your life.  If it doesn’t work, they’ll be happy to refund your misery.
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So, what’s your experience with isolation? Tell us about it. You might save someone’s life.

(She’s) Just Curried

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“The sun finally shone in Southern California…
…and like they say without the rain, there can’t be rainbows.
They were a tough couple of days earlier this week. Raining outside, raining tears on the inside. Bewildered. Why was I feeling so sad? Why couldn’t I snap out of it?
I did the only thing I could do. …”

The Rose and the Sledgehammer

Gabriel Byrne speaks of his boyhood sex abuse

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The irish film star opened up about the abuse in the first show of Gay Byrne’s ‘Meaning of Life’ series on RTE television.

The actor talked frankly about his battles with alcoholism and depression in the past and expressed shock at the drinking culture among Ireland’s young people….

Hollywood actor Gabriel Byrne speaks of his boyhood sex abuse anguish – News, Film & TV – Belfasttelegraph.co.uk