Comments for What...Me Sober?

Comment on Want to know why we say “No relationships for a year?” by Jen

Jen — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:50:21 +0000

This makes sense to me. Plus, a healthy relationship is about two people forming a union; if I’m not whole then there isn’t two people- just one (and maybe a half). I used relationships as an escape all the time.

I definitely sought out people that would give me that ‘buzz’ of ‘love’. I tried to find people that stimulated me- whether that be through sex, arguments or fear. Even when I did find ‘good’ people to be interested in- I took it too far, too fast. Either scaring them away (rightfully so!) or turning the relationship into an unhealthy one.

Thank you, this is good food for thought.

Comment on Eminem Rhymes About Addiction & Recovery by J.J

J.J — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 02:21:51 +0000

i love the fact that eminem came out with these lyrics…it is a huge step but i think it opens the door for others to follow, especially many of his drug abusing/alcoholic fans who stuck by him through his own active addiction days (i know i did)…now that i am clean and sober its really amazing to see him making this statement. Good stuff…God works through people, and he seems to be an example of this happening! :)

Comment on Relationship Withdrawal by onepillawayfromchaos

onepillawayfromchaos — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 20:27:43 +0000

Congratulations on getting and staying clean together. Yours is surely a rare case. It’s seems an impossible feat to me. I could have never managed to get clean without leaving my husband. He was one of the major triggers in my life. When I was with him, I wanted to use. If we had been able to get clean together, I am certain we would have been strangers as well.

All of the above is true. Statistically, practically all couples who get sober at the same time end up divorced. We were fortunate in a number of ways. We hit a really obvious and potentially terminal bottom together, were both convinced we’d die. Due to good insurance and an intervention by my boss, we both ended up in treatment at one of the best rehabs in the country, a 28-bed facility on the top floor of a full-service hospital. We had two years of aftercare, a huge alumni association for support, and four other people we were in treatment with remained in the area, and sober, so we had that connection as well.

We are also fortunate to live in an area with literally hundreds of halfway houses, treatment centers, detoxes, sober houses, along with six recovery clubs within 10 miles and nearly 700 meetings a week in our county. Recovery City, USA, really (Palm Beach County, FL). That helps. Hard not to be involved, if you make any effort at all. We both got active, stayed active, both worked in the field. I got out, but my wife rented her first office for her private practice just yesterday.

Just lucky. But the more frightened you are, the luckier you get.

Comment on Relationship Withdrawal by onepillawayfromchaos

onepillawayfromchaos — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 09:49:51 +0000

There is also the issue of having a significant other who is also an addict. Thus, if they don’t get clean, you (the recovering addict) must end the relationship. This prevented me from getting clean for a long time.

It’s most assuredly a major issue. And believe me, having the significant other get clean isn’t a magic pill, either. My wife and I got clean together, in the best possible environment, with exceptional supports, and it was still nip and tuck for a long time after that.

One thing we did, though, was make a contract: if either of us “slips” (I hate that word, so WIMPY; like describing lung cancer as an “inconvenience”) they move out of the house immediately. Neither of us did, so I don’t know how much weight that would have carried after the fact, but it was unquestionably a deterrent, at least in my case. At that, we nearly split a couple of times. When you’re living with a person in PAWS — especially when it’s one of the people who hard-wired your buttons — it’s a real picnic. And though we tried to stay out of each other’s programs completely, there were still opinions…lots of ‘em.

We’d been together for about 12 years at the time, drinking and drugging our asses off, and suddenly we were two strangers with a lot of grudges. Stubborn, though. Next month is our 30th anniversary, and the month after that our 21st clean.

Comment on Me by Connie

Connie — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 02:46:31 +0000

I just went through the entire post on PAWS, including the posts and your responses. I did scan most of the posts on drugs, as alcohol was my drug of choice. I found your website by searching for info on PAWS. I was doing this because I am a moderator of a recovery group of Women For Sobriety. I was wondering if you were familiar with it? It was developed by a women for women and addresses the unique problem women have in addictions, primarily loss of self esteem and tremendous shame. The organization is small and privately funded by members. It is celebrating it’s 35th year this year. There are f2f meetings, although many fewer than AA. Plus there is a strong online forum with members from all over the world

I can understand your dedication to AA, but ask that perhaps you study this program as consider it as an alternative to women with alcohol and drug addictions. A good place to start is at http://www.womenforsobriety.org. I discovered WFS in late 2007 from the book SOBER FOR GOOD. On Feb 5, 2008, I had my last drink. WFS is the only program I have used. It has changed my life and I have seen it change the lives of many women. Thank you

I am sure that many women have gained a great deal from Women For Sobriety — perhaps as many as have recovered in women’s AA meetings, although I rather doubt it.

I speak of the 12-step programs because they are what I know. As far as I personally am aware, they are the best chance at recovery for the most people. I certainly understand, however, that they may not be for everyone. No single program can be. For example, people who are afraid of the “God issue” in the 12-steps, and who lack the flexibility to take what they need and leave the rest, may be happier in a secular program.

What is important is the support that comes from being amongst people who understand where we are coming from, and a structure by means of which to guide our attempts (and hopefully, successes) in effecting fundamental changes in our lives and personalities.

Comment on You know you’re sober when… by onepillawayfromchaos

onepillawayfromchaos — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 08:48:04 +0000

Without the vodka, of course! LOL. Cute :)

I guess you also know you’re sober when you’ve forgotten about Garden Marys. Or old.

Comment on Bill Wilson’s Gospel by Chaz

Chaz — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 21:04:26 +0000

I read the article. Surpisingly tolerant. Thought perhaps was a ramp-up for another “cult” accusation.

From my viewpoint, I continue to conclude that the Big Book is merely a collection of experiences and suggestions. It is not gospel, it is not holy text.

The big book states at least twice that the steps are but suggestions.

A bunch of guys 75 years ago discovered an effective solution where nothing even remotely similar in its effectiveness had existed. They kept it anonymous to avoid the social stigma that kept many trapped in the secrecy of the their drinking.

All the kings horses and all the kings men have yet to come up with anything better. For me, I ask, why alter what works? It works for me and many others. No, make that many, many others. Even if it doesn’t work for all.

Yet the nay-sayer seem to wish to scandalize it. To throw around the word, “cult” with a complete lack of validity.

Oh well. To me, even the debate over AA is a borderline “outside issue”. It works for me and thousands, if not millions, of others. Here I sit vacationing in a resort town 4 hours from home and I can attend up to 4 meetings a day if I were so inclined.

This is a blessing. And it all started with a guy open-minded enough to try something new.

Ciao.

Chaz

Comment on A true friend… by william wallace

william wallace — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 13:03:45 +0000

A true friend brings a smile
while others but more pain.

Tough day in your head, Bill?

Comment on Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) by PAWS Can Smack You Upside The Head If You’re Not Ready For It

PAWS Can Smack You Upside The Head If You’re Not Ready For It — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:51:21 +0000

[...] you’re interested, you’ll find more information about Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome here. Posted in Addiction, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Detox, Drug Abuse, Opiates, Oxycontin, Recovery, [...]

Comment on Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) by Useful Links on Withdrawals, Relapse and Recovery I Found Today - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 22:08:50 +0000

[...] time: Addictions and Recovery.org – Relapse Prevention and Coping Skills What to expect from PAWS: Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) What…Me Sober… Information that every time we relapse, the withdrawals become worse. That really explains my [...]