The 29th of May marked the four-year anniversary of our granddaughter’s suicide.
The death of a beautiful 19-year-old is always tragic. Cadi’s was especially so, because it almost certainly didn’t have to happen. She suffered from profound depression, had gone off her medication (which had been working well), and had been drinking. The details don’t matter. She’s gone, along with a piece of the hearts of everyone who knew and loved her.
The point here is that there are definitely good drugs and bad drugs. I bring it up because in my correspondence and other contacts with people in recovery I often run across their expressed desires to get off all drugs, not just their drugs of abuse. This unfortunate impulse is often supported by people who consider themselves well-versed in recovery issues but who, in actuality, are just people with opinions, not facts.
We have to keep a couple of points in mind here — important facts about addiction, depression and recovery.
- Addiction causes changes in our brains that take from one to two years to return to “normal,” (if they ever do).
- The use of addictive drugs often masks pre-existing conditions, and depression is frequently one of them. In addition, depression is part of withdrawal, and post acute withdrawal can last for many months.
As all addicts and many other folks know all-too-well, withdrawal symptoms are generally the opposite of whatever pleasurable effects the drug may have had. If we used uppers, we were depressed when we stopped. Quitting downers, especially alcohol and benzos, made us feel agitated, gave us blood pressure spikes, and may have caused seizures, Our digestive systems’ reaction to the removal of opiates, which cause constipation, made us throw up along with all the other withdrawal symptoms that we know and appreciate.
To put it another way, we took drugs or drank to feel good, then we did it to feel normal, then we did it because we had to — but in all cases, when we stopped taking them we felt discomfort ranging from icky to “Oh My God!”
Well, folks, antidepressant drugs cause a “rebound effect” that is similar to withdrawal. The return of depressions is often sudden and profound. It can also be fatal, especially if we combine it with a depressant like alcohol. That’s what Arcadia did, not too long before she jumped from a 200-foot bridge.
If you are on antidepressants, for heaven’s sake don’t stop taking them without careful detox by medical people who know what they are doing. This is especially true if you are in early recovery, or if you are actively using other drugs. Give serious thought to staying on them. There is no shame in supplying our brains with necessary chemicals that are lacking through no fault of our own.
Failure to deal effectively with depression can stop your recovery. Dead.
Thank you. You have a nice site. Good luck.
The blog is really interesting.On reading this I really come to know about important facts about addiction, depression and recovery. I will surely recommend this blog to others to read.
thank you so much for your post. I’ve been writing songs about all of my experiences with my ex husbands relapse and my depression, but haven’t really been keeping up with meetings and talking real openly about it. Even now, I have a lump in my throat and don’t want to admit what we’ve both gone through. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blogs. It’s awesome to know that people recover and live healthy lives and it doesn’t have to end in a tragedy.
Thanks for your condolences. The good news is that we have a brand-new grandson, who would have been Cadi’s little brother. The wheel turns.
I’m a recovering addict. There is something in my brain — not my fault — that causes me to become physically dependent on chemicals (and some behaviors) if I don’t remain abstinent. When I got clean and sober, I discovered that for some reason my brain lacked some of the chemicals I needed to feel good.
Whether I was self-medicating a preexisting condition with the drugs and alcohol or whether they caused the condition doesn’t matter. I’ve still got it. Now I have to ingest some chemicals to make up for the lack of the natural chemicals in my brain. I take medication for my diabetes, I go to meetings for my addictions, and I take antidepressants to correct a situation that is otherwise out of my control and potentially fatal. I also take vitamins. They make my life better.
These things don’t make me ill. I’m ill when I don’t take my medication. As long as I take care of myself, I’m fine. It’s all in the way you look at it.
I’m sorry you’re still having problems despite the medication. Perhaps in time you’ll find the right combination. Until then,
Keep on keepin’ on!
I am so sorry to hear of your Granddaughters passing.
I also have clinical depression and can be suicidal even on medication, I often think about coming off my medication – it’s just a daily reminder I’m ill which when not well, I figure isn’t working anyway. But your post has made me think and consider the serious effects of this.
Thank you for this post.