Mr. Perfect and I had a counseling appointment on Saturday that, at my request, dug up a whole lot of shit for me. I wanted him to say certain things like “ok, having sex with a bunch of women wasn’t all painful as I have always insisted – I got boners, fantasized about them, and the blow jobs and orgasms felt really good”. I felt that by him never admitting he did what he did because it felt good, minimized my pain as in “you shouldn’t be so hurt and traumatized because the orgasms felt like someone was jamming the end of a coat hanger up my dick”. So, Dr. Feelgood made him say it. And I didn’t feel good – I went pain shopping for the rest of the day and bought the whole damn store.

Yesterday I did something incredibly freeing.

I thought about all of the negative…