Author Archives: whatmesober

Is consolidation of treatment centers a good idea?

Bain Capital is trying to consolidate an unlikely industry: addiction treatment centers.

Ignore the political references.  I didn’t think they were appropriate either.  They polarize, to a degree, what should be an objective article.

After you read the article, why not come back and tell us what you think.  If you’ve been in treatment, tell us about your experience, and how you think something like this might have impacted it.  Of course you have an opinion.  All addicts do; we’re overloaded with them!

The Secret Service’s Not-So-Secret Alcohol Problem

Without the binge drinking—and possibly drugging—there would have been no prostitutes and no scandal. But risky boozing has a dark history in the service’s old boy’s club dating back at least to the Kennedy assassination.

The Secret Service’s Not-So-Secret Alcohol Problem

Keeping Up With The Peeps

As wired as I am, spending hours a day online, working on a computer, a smartphone with me 24/7, I still find myself oddly resistant to some of the cutting edge aids to recovery.  I understand how the old-timers feel when they say “all I needed was the (whatever), and that’s all anyone needs now,” and speeches to that effect.

And yet, I’m committed in my own way to “cyber-recovery,” as is apparent from what I do.  I have to remind myself that the digital natives look at the world differently than us digital immigrants who learned to type on typewriters — and, in my case, not even an electric.  They communicate differently, relate to the outside world differently, have different kinds of relationships, and are in touch with each other and the rest of the world with a scope that was unimaginable when I was their age back in the 1950’s and ’60’s.

Researchers now tell us that our grandchildren have begun to think differently than any other humans in history. They are restructuring our language, our ideas of community, and doubtless their own concepts of self.  It is totally unreasonable to think that they won’t recover differently, using different resources, or to assume that they will not do so as successfully as my generation or that of their parents.

So us old-timers need to understand that we are dealing with an evolving species.  If we’re not to be left in the dust of their changing worldview and thought processes, we need to force ourselves to understand and admit that we don’t have all the answers.  In fact, when it comes to these newcomers, if we don’t keep up we are likely to be left behind entirely.

Romancing the Relapse: Relationships in early recovery

One of the first things we hear in recovery, both in treatment and around the rooms of the support groups, is “No new relationships in the first year.”  If it’s not one of the first things we hear, it’s certainly one of the first things that get our attention.

That’s hardly surprising.  Emotions that have been suppressed by alcohol and other drugs are suddenly bubbling to the surface with none of the edges knocked off.   Add to that the fact that we’re feeling at loose ends, with all that time on our hands that we formerly spent using, and the fact that we really don’t want to face life directly yet, and we’re ripe for distraction.  Since rehab romances are one of the most common issues in early recovery, it crosses our minds, “Why not, as long as the other person is in recovery too?  We’ll have so much in common!”  Read more..


Resentments are the poison that we drink, and then wait for the other person to die.
– Anonymous

Some of the truest words you’ll ever read.

Think about it.  Think about that terrible thing that (insert name here) did to you back in the long-ago.  Think about how bad it made you feel.  Think about how you’d like to get back at (**),  how you’d like to tell them off in words that would make them shrivel and leave them with nothing at all to say.

How often do those thoughts come into your head?  Once a week?  Once a day?  Whenever you think of that person?  Whenever you do something that reminds you of them?  Whenever their name comes up in conversation?  Whenever you’re just feeling sorry for yourself and want to feel better by reminding yourself how terrible someone else is? 

I thought so.

Now, while you’re making yourself miserable thinking about how you’ve been wronged, what do you think (insert name here) is doing?  Do you think she’s spending her time thinking about the subject?  Do you figure they think about it at all?  If you confronted him, would he even remember the incident? Would he remember it the same way you do?

See, the thing is, renting out space in your head to that person, that incident, that resentment, hurts nobody but you (and the people you inflict it on from time to time).  You’re the one whose stomach is boiling, who gets all tense, who drinks the poison that is meant for that other person.  They will never taste it, but you will taste it as long as you keep holding that poisoned cup.

So deal with it.  It’s your problem and your misery.  It’s only hurting you.  That s.o.b. is oblivious, and would probably think you were hallucinating if you brought it up.

It’s up to you whether or not you pick up that cup again.  Do you want to be righteous, or do you want to be happy?