This is a good day for gratitude and what-ifs: what if Bill had been offended by Bob’s issues with other drugs; what if Bill had just taken the drink he so desperately wanted, instead of looking for an alternative? What if they just hadn’t been sympatico – the high-pressure Easterner and the Midwestern physician? Would I still have my sobriety to be grateful for? What about my other 12-step fellowships?
Happy 82nd Birthday AA!
There’s an old saying something like, “Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.” That’s certainly inarguable logic, but most of the time it fails to lead to a valid conclusion. Most people don’t care about us one way or the other. Those who do care usually wish us well, as long as we’re not standing in the way of their comfort somehow. The fact is, we’re not powerful enough — most of us, anyway — to make ripples in the lives of those who aren’t pretty close around us.
Assuming that we’re not annoying other folks enough to make them want to take time to mess us up, things continually going wrong in our lives usually mean that we aren’t properly interpreting the lessons that life is trying to teach us. There are a lot of reasons for that, but most often they boil down to our not wanting to hear what the teacher is saying. After all, it’s not only easier but far more comforting to attribute our misfortunes to bad luck or to someone’s ill-will or mistakes, rather than to look honestly at the part we had in them.
Everything that happens in our lives is a lesson. Good, bad, or indifferent, there is always something to be learned. The big question is not “Why Me?” but rather, “How can I honestly interpret this lesson and learn from it?”
I can’t count the times I’ve heard shares in various fellowships like this: “I just had one beer, but I figured since I’d slipped anyway I might as well have another.” (Substitute pertinent acting out for “beer”.)
All too often, these sorts of remarks are heard from folks who were “out there” for much longer than just an evening or a couple of days, most often for months or years, and they all say it got worse than before. Because the next morning Continue reading
Dictionary.com defines integrity as “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.”
Way back in the ‘80’s during the real Miami Vice days, I knew a Dade County police officer whose beat was along the Miami River. “Jorge” was offered $50,000 to take his lunch break at a particular time — one day, one time. In those days, that was roughly equivalent to a year’s pay for a patrolman. Definitions are well and good, but when the bag man shows up with 50K and you have kids in school and a mortgage, it’s simpler than that: do I do the right thing, despite the cost, or the wrong thing?
If our brain is a deck of cards, we are a few cards short in the reasoning and maturity suits.
~ “A Skeptic’s Guide to the 12 Steps”, by Phillip Z.
I got married the first time because it was expected that I would when I reached a certain age. It was a lousy match, and ended in divorce — for good reasons. (I got two wonderful kids from that marriage and I don’t regret it at all, but it wasn’t exactly my choice — more a matter of the path of least resistance.) Continue reading
I hope I’ll win the lottery, but I don’t expect to.
A lot of us addicts get our hopes and expectations amazingly tangled. Most of us need to take a close look at the difference during our early recovery (and often afterward), because they can cause huge complications in our lives.