Category Archives: codependency

The Guru Syndrome

In recovery, our early delight at feeling better and a burning desire to spread the word can lead to what I call the Guru Syndrome (GS). The GS can  stem from a sincere desire to help others, but it can also hide a profound fear of getting the help we need for ourselves. Continue reading

Dry Drunks

By most definitions, the term dry drunk refers to someone who is not acting out, but has failed to do the work that leads to recovery. A dry drunk is like a man crawling across a desert, depressed, angry, and craving the water that he won’t allow himself to drink.

Sobriety is about replacing the thinking and behavior of an addict with that of a sober person. The damage that alcohol and other drugs facilitate is in the form of emotional, physical and spiritual harm, as well as severe damage to externally visible things such as relationships, attitudes, work, and legal problems. Continue reading

The “Religion Thing”

The issue of religion arises at least once a month at any 12-step meeting that includes people. It’s amazing how it causes confusion. Some folks claim that you have to believe in God, while others say all you have to do is admit you aren’t Him. Others, myself among them, maintain that the spirituality aspect of the program has nothing to do with God unless we choose to make it so. Only one thing’s for sure: put two alcoholics or other addicts in the same room and it will soon be overflowing with opinions. Continue reading

Communication In Recovery

Relationships in recovery are difficult, especially when we are in a continuing partnership that has been shaped, at least in part, by our addictive behavior. Remembering our part in the resulting mess and developing good communication skills are essential to our recovery, and that of the relationship.

Some questions to ask ourselves about our relationships.

First of all:

    • Am I using the tools of my recovery program to maintain a healthy relationship with myself?
    • Do I regularly check my behavior for fairness in my relationships with others? Do I evaluate them, and apologize when needed?
    • Do I further my recovery program by continuing to attend meetings, help others and share what I have learned and hope to learn about myself?
    • Am I using a relationship/relationships to replace another form of acting out — to “fill the hole” that I was trying to fill with substances or other behavior?

If I’m doing all of the above, living an active program of recovery, do I give the same attention to my personal relationships? Continue reading