Careful throwing those stones! They bounce!

Over the years of our addictions, many of us developed some pretty sophisticated ways of dealing with low self-esteem. Most of us were pretty good at them before we even became active in our addictions. We may have learned the behavior from caretakers, without even being conscious of it. Continue reading “Careful throwing those stones! They bounce!”

Measurements

Self worth wanes and shame remains when we fall short of our values–or are they someone else’s values? When we say “I should” it is worth exploring whose values we are measuring ourselves by.

~ Joe C., “Beyond Belief – Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life”, May 9th

Choosing A Therapist For Sex Addiction

I know from my experience and talking to other folks in recovery that not every “sex therapist” is really qualified to deal with this complex addiction. Read more…

Expectations, or How To Overcome “The Shoulds” And Have A Happier Life

“Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

“Resentments are like taking poison and
waiting for the other person to die.”

Program wisdom contains lots of annoying clichés. The reason they sound so hackneyed and are so often repeated is that they are true. False aphorisms abound, but most of those in the recovery community have survived because of the old “test of time.” These two are among them.

There are “good” and “bad” expectations (I prefer “skillful” and “unskillful”, but for the purpose of establishing a binary distinction here, either will do). The difference is in communication and intent. Continue reading “Expectations, or How To Overcome “The Shoulds” And Have A Happier Life”

Whose idea was it, anyway?

Sometimes we have false goals:

“I should be married with children by the time I’m ____!”
“I have to get my degree,” (even though I don’t really need it to open the flower shop that’s my secret dream).

Are those goals ours, or are they someone else’s goals for us that we are trying to fulfill? How many other things in our lives fall into that category of fulfilling someone else’s wants?

If our life template doesn’t seem to fit, maybe it’s time to check the measurements.

 

On Being Judgmental

“First one must change. I first watch myself, check myself, then expect changes from others.”
~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Note: More quotes on the interwebs are incorrectly attributed to The Dalai Lama and Albert Einstein than any other two people. I always check to be sure they're genuine.