addiction, codependency, denial, emotional health, family, Meditation, Process Addictions, relationships, self-esteem, sex addiction, Shame, Thought for the Day

Meditation (Discuss with your sponsor or therapist) 12/29/17

Where The Wild Things Are – HarperCollins

“Childhood is a tricky business. Usually, something goes wrong.”
– Maurice Sendak

12-Step Programs, addiction, alcoholism, codependency, Food Addiction, Process Addictions, recovery, relationships

Hosting People In Recovery For The Holidays

Jolly, not folly…

Social occasions that involve people in recovery—especially early recovery—can pose some perplexing problems for the hosts. On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation. On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests. A host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests in recovery — especially those only a short way along on their journey.

There are some simple things to remember….

Hosting People In Recovery For The Holidays

addiction, alcoholism, codependency, drug Abuse, family, Process Addictions, recovery, relationships, self-esteem

Holiday Feelings

Holidays can be rough on people in recovery, especially those of us who haven’t yet been able to develop normal relationships with our families of origin and/or old friends. If we don’t handle them carefully, they can be a real test of our sobriety. That’s especially true if we’re alone. Then self-care and attention to our well being become especially critical.
Read more…

12-Step Programs, community, family, living, recovery, relationships

Community

This entry is a few days late, as we just got our Internet back.

I’ve just been looking at videos from the Florida Keys and reading about the devastation in the Leeward Islands. On St Maarten they have no food, water or shelter. The people have banded together to search the wreckage of supermarkets and other sources in order to gather and share what resources they might come across.

I was uncomfortable because, for about twelve hours and five minutes, we had no lights and no air conditioning. Of course we had several good flashlights and a big supply of batteries, and we had a little battery-powered fan that kept us reasonably comfortable. Essentially we lay in bed, napped, played with our cats, watched the storm on our phones, and I read a sci-fi novel on my Kindle. We snacked from the cooler. We talked. Our day was thrown off balance. We couldn’t go to work.

I’ve been thinking, though, about how easily our lives can be thrown out of balance. Continue reading “Community”

emotional health, living, Meditation, reality, relationships

Three Questions 

There are three essential questions that we must answer for ourselves in order to live emotionally healthy lives. Others may try to influence us with their answers, but we – – as separate beings – – must find our own. 

These essential questions are

  • Who am I? 
  • Why am I?
  • Who are they? 

Ponder them well. 

emotional health, family, living, relationships, Thought for the Day

Thought for the day 6/30/17

Turn it upside-down: if late, practice patience; if put upon, understanding; if hurt, forgiveness. Seek always to learn what virtue can be applied so as to turn a problem into an opportunity to grow.  

codependency, family, living, relationships, Shame

Whose Goals Are They, Really?

I got married the first time because it was expected that I would when I reached a certain age.  It was a lousy match, and ended in divorce — for good reasons.  (I got two wonderful kids from that marriage and I don’t regret it at all, but it wasn’t exactly my choice — more a matter of the path of least resistance.)   Continue reading “Whose Goals Are They, Really?”

12-Step Programs, addiction, codependency, denial, reality, recovery, relationships

Hope and Expectations

I hope I’ll win the lottery, but I don’t expect to.

A lot of us addicts get our hopes and expectations amazingly tangled.  Most of us need to take a close look at the difference during our early recovery (and often afterward), because they can cause huge complications in our lives.

Continue reading “Hope and Expectations”

addiction, alcoholism, codependency, emotional health, family, recovery, relationships, self-esteem, Thought for the Day

Who Looks Outside Dreams

“Who looks outside dreams;
Who looks inside awakes.”
~ Carl Jung

blankmap-world-1ceSometimes Professor Jung sounds like a Buddhist teacher.  When the Buddha spoke of awakening or enlightenment, he meant the ability to see the world as it really is, uncolored by our opinions, fears, history, desires, and ambitions.  Jung’s statement is rather less detailed but no less true.

No one should be aware of and remain more aware of this than recovering addicts.  We are, by definition, people who looked — and may still tend to look — outside ourselves for the resolution of problems that have their roots inside.   Continue reading “Who Looks Outside Dreams”

12-Step Programs, addiction, alcoholism, codependency, denial, living, recovery, relationships

Limits

The idea that limits exist only in the mind is as ridiculous as the assertion that proper positive thought will make you rich. Nonetheless, these concepts, promoted by self-help “gurus,” do attract money — to them.

500px-MONTANA-PRWithout exploring the magical thinking that underlies these sorts of ideas, it should be clear to any rational person that there are, in fact, all sorts of limits in the real world. Even in my prime, regardless of my determination, I was never going to bench press half a ton. People who don’t understand the basic concepts of government simply can’t discern what is possible and what is bullshit, and so forth.

Not only do physical and educational limits exist, there are also emotional and intellectual limits. Codependents are unable — at least initially — to discern boundaries between themselves and those to whom they are addicted. They can’t detach and let them find their own way, regardless of the price they are paying by attempting to sustain a failing relationship. Some folks will simply be unable to fathom mathematics beyond simple arithmetic. This has nothing to do with intelligence; some people’s brains work that way, and some don’t.

And there is such a thing as willful ignorance: purposely avoiding critical information because it would require us to exchange comfortable ideas for concepts that threaten our world view. People who do that are often more confirmed in their beliefs the more they are exposed to contrary evidence.

Finally, there are limits that we impose on ourselves,usually out of fear. Continue reading “Limits”