On Being Judgmental

“First one must change. I first watch myself, check myself, then expect changes from others.”
~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Note: More quotes on the interwebs are incorrectly attributed to The Dalai Lama and Albert Einstein than any other two people. I always check to be sure they're genuine.


Am I doing the “next right thing” as consistently as possible, without expecting recognition or reward, or do I expect to be praised and paid in some way for everything I do?

Intentions are important, because they tell us much about ourselves. Am I a needy person who constantly seeks approval? Am I always looking for ways to make myself look important–to improve my image? (In whose eyes?) Is doing good things part of my addict con job, or am I cultivating the humility and good character that come from plodding on without glory, with only the satisfaction that comes from knowing that I’m doing the best I can?

It’s worth thinking about. I’m the only one who can know my true intentions, and so I’m the only one who can make changes. Or not.

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.

Across A Crowded Room…

“I suspect the secret of personal attraction is locked up in our unique imperfections, flaws and frailties.” ~ Hugh Mackay (1640-1692)

How do you think your “defects of character” have affected your relationship choices? In what ways? Can you take a look at why?


I’m not good at intimacy. I can count the number of folks in my life who have known the Real Me on one hand, with fingers left over.

Charlie the cat is long and lean
The color of the night
And his eyes are green
He likes to snuggle…*

Charlie, being Charlie

With Charlie, snuggling is a fairly formalized proposition. If he doesn’t invite himself, I do so by patting the bed next to me three times. He then waits what he considers an appropriate time–varying from a few seconds to a couple of minutes–to demonstrate that he is, indeed, his own cat and not responding to any orders. Then he hops up and walks back and forth a few times, purring. My position has to be just right; if not, he waits until I’ve completed my part of the ritual. Then he curls up so that his rear feet and head are in one of my hands, his body firmly pressed against my other arm and chest. Purring ensues, usually tapering off into little snores.

Charlie pretty much invented snuggling himself. Continue reading “Snuggles”

Meditation (Discuss with your sponsor or therapist) 12/29/17

Where The Wild Things Are – HarperCollins

“Childhood is a tricky business. Usually, something goes wrong.”
– Maurice Sendak

Hosting People In Recovery For The Holidays

Jolly, not folly…

Social occasions that involve people in recovery—especially early recovery—can pose some perplexing problems for the hosts. On one hand, a host who is aware of a guest’s need to avoid mood-altering substances may wish to do what is possible to keep from exposing them to temptation. On the other hand, social drinking is a part of everyday American culture. Most social gatherings involve some drinking by some of the guests. A host may be at a loss as to how she ought to deal with guests in recovery — especially those only a short way along on their journey.

There are some simple things to remember….

Hosting People In Recovery For The Holidays