One of our biggest problems as addicts is that we pursue solutions that we like, rather than those we need.
Many times the best solutions to problems do not produce the outcomes that we want. Members who have been around the fellowships for awhile have seen it again and again: newcomers (and sometimes those not so new) who flail around and exhaust themselves trying to fight what more experienced folks see as inevitable: the need to make changes that we don’t like.
Usually, no one is saying that they need to be made all at once or right away. In fact, program wisdom indicates quite the opposite. In most cases not involving situations dire and immediate, we recommend that any changes be made slowly, with careful consideration of all factors. Since we’re all addicts and codependents, however, we tend to want to sweep things under the rug and ignore them indefinitely, or take the broom and beat them into submission. In either case, we want what we want and we want it now, and we want it the way we want it.* Continue reading “Solutions”
“What we think, or what we know, or what we believe, is in the end of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.”
~ John Ruskin (1819–1900)
Practicing spiritual principles involves more than putting up with others; it requires a sincere desire to understand, respect and empathize.
Self worth wanes and shame remains when we fall short of our values–or are they someone else’s values? When we say “I should” it is worth exploring whose values we are measuring ourselves by.
~ Joe C., “Beyond Belief – Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life”, May 9th
The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it can only be accepted.
Feeling “good enough” is more spiritually sound than pretending to be perfect.
“Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
“Resentments are like taking poison and
waiting for the other person to die.”
Program wisdom contains lots of annoying clichés. The reason they sound so hackneyed and are so often repeated is that they are true. False aphorisms abound, but most of those in the recovery community have survived because of the old “test of time.” These two are among them.
There are “good” and “bad” expectations (I prefer “skillful” and “unskillful”, but for the purpose of establishing a binary distinction here, either will do). The difference is in communication and intent. Continue reading “Expectations, or How To Overcome “The Shoulds” And Have A Happier Life”