Category Archives: relationships

Thought for the day — 7/15/2018

Rigidity is not sobriety. Rigidity is expecting the world to conform to our wishful thinking. Sobriety is about learning to safely navigate life’s inevitable twists, turns and challenges.

Friendship In Recovery

As active addicts many of us had friends who were that in name only. Our mutual interests in acting out, trying to prolong our adolescence, and using each other for one end or another were often the sole basis of those “friendships.” How many of our using buddies tried to encourage us to continue our addictive behavior? “Hey, everyone does it!” “Oh, you’re not that bad.” “You just need to ____. You don’t have to ____!” Any of those sound familiar?

And just as tellingly, how many of our willing partners in excess stuck with us when we showed that we were serious about changing? Not too many, I’m guessing. Continue reading

Boundaries: They’re what you make them.

Boundaries: They’re what you make them.

“Good fences make good neighbors.”
~ Robert Frost

In some of our fellowships we speak of boundaries, and well we might. Good boundaries are major bricks in the foundation of emotional health and recovery. It seems, however, that many people have the idea that boundaries are like a fence we build around us that others aren’t permitted to cross.  That’s not the case; boundaries guide our behavior, not that of others.

Boundaries are essentially knowing when to say yes or no. Perhaps we were not allowed ever to say “no” to a parent. That crippled us. We felt as though expressing ourselves was against the rules, that it would place us in danger of punishment or, less obviously, by damaging a relationship that was necessary to our survival. We felt invaded and ruled. As a result we may never have learned  that it is okay to make our own healthy choices. Continue reading

Thought for the day 7/1/18

“There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don’t take much to see what is wrong, but it takes some eyesight to see what will put it right again.”
~ Will Rogers
(11/4/1879 – 8/15/1935)