“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept
the consequences of every deed, word and thought throughout our lifetime.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (1926-2004)
Anyone who sits through a few meetings will hear someone blaming their addiction (or other people) for their behavior. “My addict did this,” or “It was just my addict talking,” or “If it weren’t for my addiction, I….” or “If she hadn’t…” (insert appropriate whining).
Our attitudes are often the same regarding those whose social behavior fails to meet our standards. Perhaps we believe they have mistreated us or a loved one. Perhaps we believe they should know better, based on our underestanding of our reality. And do we get pissed off when they fail to apologize or make restitution in some way? Of course we do! We demand that they accept the responsibility for their actions (judged by our standards, mind you), and that they try to make things right.
When the car’s stalled on the tracks and the train’s coming,
it focuses your attention: stay, or get out and start over.
When you get right down to it, sobriety is simply changing our minds
about what is normal and then learning to live that way.
Forgiveness is for those who forgive, not for those who offend.
It does not preclude taking precautions to avoid further offense,
but it frees us to think coherently instead of clouding our minds
with the hatred that prompts good people to do hateful things.
It is frightening to have a good thing in our lives
and not be in control of it; it might escape.