Bitch, Whine And Debate, Or Experience, Strength And Hope?

Note: These comments are not meant to apply to
newcomers or people in crisis.


I get really annoyed at meetings when the discussion veers to subjects that have nothing to do with recovery. I’m perfectly willing to admit that the irritation is my problem, but this is my blog and I’m going to discuss it anyway.  :-p

The other night I was at a meeting where the chair asked for a topic, and one of our more “intellectual” members raised a hand and commenced a five-minute dissertation on how they didn’t understand why we say in the rooms that it takes an addict to really understand an addict, why they shouldn’t just be able to speak openly about their addiction to any friend and get useful feedback, etc. They used the words obviously, clearly and in my opinion a lot. This sort of thing does nothing to promote discussion about recovery; it merely exercises the ego of the speaker.

Our fellowships are not debating societies. They are about getting a sponsor, developing a support system, working the steps and practicing the 12 principles* in our daily lives. If I want to bitch, whine or debate, I need to do it outside a meeting with my sponsor or a support, not hijack a meeting with subjects that have little or nothing to do with the process of recovery. Better yet, at whatever point in recovery I may be, I need to remember that I’m the problem, and projecting my complaints onto other people or ideas is not conducive to a genuine pursuit of sobriety.

Maybe that’s what I’m doing now: projecting my issues.

Or maybe not.

* 12 Principles? What 12 principles?

Sexual And Emotional Anorexia

“Anorexia is an eating disorder, and sufferers deny themselves nutrition and pleasure from food. In sex and Love addiction, Anorexia refers to Intimacy deprivation. In the most obvious sense, the anorexic is withdrawing from all physical Intimacy, but even among the sexually active, we can find emotional Anorexia. Promiscuity may signal Avoidance of deeper emotional, intimate contact with anyone. Just as it is not the amount of alcohol consumed that defines alcoholism, frequency and choice of vice does not determine sex and Love addiction.

“Is our behavior consistent with our values? Many addicts and codependents have Love-life imbalances. The origin of our Intimacy disorders is thought to go back to our formative experiences with needs, expectations and boundaries. In the original Big Book Step Four directions, we focus on three areas: fear, resentments and sex conduct. Frustration from an inability to sustain intimate connections with people drove many a Twelve Stepper, unsatisfied with peer-to-peer support, into therapy. …

“…Do my Relationships mirror my values? … Do I have social joy and Intimacy in my life?”

C., Joe. Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life:
Finally, a daily reflection book for nonbelievers,
freethinkers and everyone! (Sept. 3rd) Rebellion Dogs Publishing.