Sexual Anorexia

Dr. Doug Weiss’ definition of sexual anorexia is, “The active, almost compulsive withholding of emotional, spiritual and sexual intimacy from the primary partner.” But, how can this be? … How can someone who is addicted to pornography or other sexual acting out then compulsively withhold sex from their partner?

Behaviors that indicate sexual anorexia may be present:

 

  • Withholding love/emotional closeness from the partner, often leaving him or her feeling unloved or unwanted

  • For the benefit of others watching, sexual/emotional anorexics may put on the appearance of being affectionate in public with her but withdrawing again as soon as they are alone together

  • Withholding praise or appreciation from the partner

  • Controlling the money for the household (that maintains the power, leaving the partner weakened. This can be enacted whether the anorectic earns money or does not contribute financially. Again, either way, the anorectic is the one in control, not the partner)

  • Withholding emotional interactions from the partner

  • Withholding spiritual connection from the partner

  • Withholding sexual relations with the partner (therapists usually know that whoever says “no” in the sexual relationship maintains all the power)

  • Controlling the partner by using silence or anger

  • Staying so busy that there’s no alone time with the partner, either by working, watching TV or any other activity that separates them

  • Blaming the other and refusal to look at own part in any relationship issues

  • Ongoing or ungrounded criticism of the partner that causes isolation, especially if they are headed towards emotional and/or sexual intimacy

  • Refusal to eat meals the partner has prepared (since cooking is often how he or she offers a form of her love– therefore, the anorectic rejects it).

 Read more…   (This link takes you off the What…Me Sober? site.)

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