Tag Archives: 9th Step

Thoughts about Steps 8 and 9

In the 8th and 9th Steps we learn to see and examine our deeds without hiding behind our excuses.

Am I (or was I) really ready for those steps? Did I complete them from that perspective? Do I need to take another look?

The Steps Are In Order For A Reason (T.F.T.D. 9/6/2008)

“The steps are in an order and there is a reason that making amends isn’t at the beginning. We aren’t in the spotlight here. The step can’t be about the drama of the lengths we are going to. These people are not the audience or a bit part in our recovery play. Step 9 is about their needs and our willingness to understand.”
~ Joe C.”Beyond Belief” Sept. 6th.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m clean and sober now, and I’ll never do it again!”

Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, and it seems to me a good day to talk about making amends.

imagesThe idea of making amends confused me in the early days of my sobriety. I knew I was supposed to do it, but I really had no idea of what to do or how to go about it. I equated it with saying “I’m sorry.” I was well-practiced at that, as most addicts are, but somehow it didn’t seem like enough. That was how I went about it, though, and pretty quickly. I suppose I had a sponsor, but I wasn’t big on taking advantage of sponsorship (or taking direction), and I saw recovery as more or less an event, rather than a process. Thus I was gung ho, ready to go — and far from being in the know.

That went about as you would expect. Continue reading

More About Amends

by Bill



I wrote in a previous post (the 2nd one down, I believe) about things that we need to accomplish before undertaking to make amends to others. Merriam-Webster.com defines amends as compensation for a loss or injury, as do most dictionaries that I’ve checked. To make amends is to do more than simply say, “I’m sorry.”  If something is serious enough to require amends, it is serious enough to consider carefully how the amends is to be made. Continue reading

Making Amends (The Steps Have Numbers For A Reason)

Before we start to make amends we need to honestly face the impact that our addictions have had on others. This isn’t something that we can do right off the bat. In early recovery we are still in denial about many of the effects our using had on ourselves, let alone other folks. Yes, there are obvious things: financial damage, emotional damage, abandonment, infidelities of various kinds, lack of empathy, inability to fill roles in the family and elsewhere, dishonesty and so forth, but there are other, more specific and far more subtle things that may even have affected the people in our lives more than the obvious ones. Continue reading