We see a lot of people in early recovery who are angry — angry at their parents, their bosses, the world, and often at themselves. Anger can be a useful tool. Nearly always a result of fear, whether obvious or hidden, anger prepares us to deal with challenges that demand forging on against whatever odds. In many cases, the alternative would be cowering in a corner and waiting for the wolf to have its way with us.
When we are facing an obvious opponent, with obvious action to be taken, our anger can be used and often discharged. But when the situation is such that we can’t strike back, through social position (say, at an employer) or size (a parent, bully or other), or simply because we have no recourse, anger can be a problem that far surpasses the cause. Continue reading “Anger Stifles Recovery”
Ms Ebony Ankledancer, our nearly 16-year-old chocolate kitty with champagne eyes, is going to leave us today. We and our excellent vet have done all we can, but the infection she’s been suffering from doesn’t respond to antibiotics, and she’s lost strength to the point that she could no longer win the battle even if it did. Our love for her and common decency demand that she be released.
I would love to be able to invoke some sort of magic and cure Ebony’s infection. If we were less-balanced people, we might spend hundreds of dollars more and put her through a lot more misery simply because we don’t want to let her go. Ain’t going to happen. It is what it is. We can either accept that, grieve for her appropriately and get on with things — or not. It’s up to us. We don’t have to like it; We only have to accept it and move on — or not. Continue reading “Letting Go, And Other Stuff”
Resentments are the poison that we drink, and then wait for the other person to die.
Some of the truest words you’ll ever read.
Think about it. Think about that terrible thing that (insert name here) did to you back in the long-ago. Think about how bad it made you feel. Think about how you’d like to get back at (**), how you’d like to tell them off in words that would make them shrivel and leave them with nothing at all to say.
How often do those thoughts come into your head? Once a week? Once a day? Whenever you think of that person? Whenever you do something that reminds you of them? Whenever their name comes up in conversation? Whenever you’re just feeling sorry for yourself and want to feel better by reminding yourself how terrible someone else is?
I thought so.
Now, while you’re making yourself miserable thinking about how you’ve been wronged, what do you think (insert name here) is doing? Do you think she’s spending her time thinking about the subject? Do you figure they think about it at all? If you confronted him, would he even remember the incident? Would he remember it the same way you do?
See, the thing is, renting out space in your head to that person, that incident, that resentment, hurts nobody but you (and the people you inflict it on from time to time). You’re the one whose stomach is boiling, who gets all tense, who drinks the poison that is meant for that other person. They will never taste it, but you will taste it as long as you keep holding that poisoned cup.
So deal with it. It’s your problem and your misery. It’s only hurting you. That s.o.b. is oblivious, and would probably think you were hallucinating if you brought it up.
It’s up to you whether or not you pick up that cup again. Do you want to be righteous, or do you want to be happy?